One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
