got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
