considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
