Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
