don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
