Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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