yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
