it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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