you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I feel like a drive thru vagina
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
