I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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