im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just blew my weed a kiss
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
