Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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