Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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