Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
