if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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