tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
