We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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