Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
