I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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