Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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