didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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