dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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