hotel room ftw
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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