I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
