The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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