Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize