summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I won't apologize to a one balled man
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
