is your mom at the bar?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
