I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
