i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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