Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
