I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize