I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
