I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
