I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
