I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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