I never want to see another naked old woman again.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
