Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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