Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
