I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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