It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
