I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
