we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
