You're my little dorito
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
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