You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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