I think i peed on brittanys purse
I should be sponsored by Trojan
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize