Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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