My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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