Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
