We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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