Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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