Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
