i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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