Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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