went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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