I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
