I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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