She went from zero to smokin in five shots
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
