Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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