Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
